Loss

Loss:  The fact or process of losing something or someone. The state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of value.


How do you deal with loss? There isn't a right or wrong way, hell most of the time I don't deal with it in the same exact way. For some strange reason myself and my friends from high school have become accustom to loss...death to be exact. Some call it a curse but for me it is that harsh stab in the chest of reality that no one is really here forever.

Loss started for me when I was 11 with like most, grandparents who fought long hard battles of stroke and illness. However the losses didn't stop with grandparents...by college I started losing friends, peers, other family members.  I remember my roommate finding it strange that I'd even been to 1 funeral let alone 2 in 1 day. To this day I have been to more or just about equal funerals as to weddings...not a fun statistic in my book.

Unfortunately I am used to the phone call, text message, and facebook post informing me of another loss. Last night when I got one of those messages I was at once numb, couldn't even bring myself to cry because if I had I probably wouldn't have stopped. Like I said each reaction is different, how I coped 8 years ago and how I cope today are totally different...but the pain is still the same.

I have lost all my grandparents, an aunt, my college roommate, and countless others but none more than my group of friends from high school. There are too many to count, too many that became angels before we were ready to let them go. I don't have any answers as to why they are gone I just know that God must have had bigger plans for them and that I will see them again.

The older I get the more I reflect on the friends I had, the ones I lost, and the ones I want back. Loss makes you call up that old friend and forget everything that was said or not said and just tell them you miss them. Now that I'm a mother I cannot imagine having to bury my child, no parent should have to.

All I can do now is try to be a better daughter, wife, mother, sister, and friend because I of all people should know that it can all change with a phone call...