A SAHM No More

Well it happened...I got a job. Today was my first day of work in 18 months and honestly my feelings are so mixed I can't even keep them straight!

I'd be lying if I said that hadn't missed working because I have, I just didn't expect to be so upset about leaving Hudson this time. Hudson could have cared less that I dropped him off and even told me to leave when I came to get him! The icing on the cake was him running into M's arms when we got home...I mean break my heart much!

So far I like the people I work with, like the job, and am happy to report that I have a gym in my building! Already talking about working out with some of the girls after work. I'm also in the building right in front of M's company headquarters which means we get to have lunch together when he is there!

I'm sure this blog will change now that I am working but I hope to keep up and maybe even give some new insight into life as a working mom again.

On to day 2...

Feeling Stuck While Running In Place

Do you ever feel stuck in a certain phase of your life and it seems your in a holding pattern? No? Just me?

I know I talk a lot about how losing my job affected me last summer, but the truth is until I land a new job I still have this lingering feeling of failure. Now it was in a sense a blessing to be able to move from FL to TN without the added pressure of having to immediately find a job. I was still collecting those wonderful if not small unemployment checks.  Those have stopped and I am once again thrust into the rejection that is job hunting.

Constantly applying and almost never even having someone return a call or email is probably the most frustrating thing ever! However I keep telling myself that the more I get my resume out there the better chance I have.

I've had plenty of interviews and even turned down a job but I'm still searching, still stuck. The most common question I get asked in my interviews is why I want to go back to work after being home with Hudson for over a year now. It's a hard question to answer, on one hand I yearn to be back in the workplace, contributing to our family, etc., on the other hand I do love being home with Hudson, so I always feel awkward answering.

M and I have had many discussions about how much I would need to make to work either part-time or full-time to make it even worth it with the cost of child care and commuting. We've all but exhuasted all the if's and's and but's.

I guess I'm just ready for everything to fall into place and move forward in this season of my life. I don't like feeling stuck, it doesn't suit me. So while I continue to run in place I will keep the faith because I know HE has a plan for me and my family.