So This Is How THAT Feels

I struggled with posting this but then I thought, hey if I can't post about the hard things then why post at all.  This blog has become a way for me to share my feelings and in a lot of ways therapeutic.  So here we go...

Thursday about 20 minutes before the end of my workday (12hours mind you) my boss asked to speak with me.  I was in the middle of something but of course got right up and went with her, I assumed that we were going to discuss an incident that had occurred earlier that day regarding a different Dr.'s office, boy was I wrong.  I sat down with a smile on my face only to be told that they had decided to let me go......what!  I was shocked, I think I said the word wow about 4 times!  I started to cry and hyperventilate right there in the office, mind you the head nurse was in the room with us and they both just sat there as I struggled to get a breath in.

My boss said it was nothing specific and handed me a paycheck for that day.  The only thing I could come up with to say was, "so you don't want me to come in tomorrow?"  I have never been fired before and the fact that it was completely out of the blue accounts for my state of shock.  She told me to collect myself and then she would need my keys....ummm excuse me could you at least tell me why?  No reason was given and I was sent out the door in this crying hysterical state.

I sat in my car for awhile since I didn't want Hudson to see me that upset.  When I picked him up I tried to stay tear free, that changed when I talked to my mom, I started crying again and Hudson kept saying "I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry,"  broke my heart.

My eyes were puffy and burned in pain until late Friday.  I am still trying to understand why I was fired, but the truth is I will probably never know.  Florida is an at will state which means an employer can fire you for no reason whenever they want.  The part that really gets me is that my boss refuses to give me a favorable reference...she is the only boss I have had in the last 3 years....I don't think Hudson counts as a boss.  I have asked her if she could please tell me why and have received no response.

What I am learning from this new experience is that I have become somewhat of a leper, when people with whom you have worked with hear that you've been fired they immediately assume it is because of something you did.  In my case I am completely in the dark, if I had done something that would have caused me to be fired I would own up to it.  I wish people could sit in my shoes and see how it feels to have people no longer want to talk to you because you were "fired."

Another thing is that know when I apply to new jobs I have to say that I was fired, they all ask for a reason and I have nothing to put....I just hope this does not hamper my chances of getting a new job, I do have a child to support.

Thanks for letting me vent, it feels good to get it all out.  While I am still not over what happened, with the love and support of Mack, Hudson, and our families I know that I will come out a stronger person.  Oh and never tell anyone who has been fired that everything happens for a reason....